Modern Jewish Dating

MODERN JEWISH DATING – FINDING THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS

Jewish Dating

Anyone who’s grown up in a home with strong religious traditions knows that some days it can seem more like a curse than a gift, especially when it comes to dating. Maybe it feels like a lot of pressure to date within a specific group, or maybe it feels like the rules are too strict to make it easy to get to know someone. Maybe you feel ill-equipped to tackle the modern dating world and all its “casual, label-less” mores. Or maybe you just feel trapped between the old world and the new.

The quickest way to free yourself from that rock-and-a-hard-place sensation is to change your mindset. You’re lucky enough to have two “worlds” to choose the best traits from and to build a love life that is multidimensional and fulfilling. Neither modern dating nor more orthodox courting is flawless in style, but both have a lot to offer. So here are our top picks for old-school Jewish dating techniques to bring into the modern era!

Don’t be afraid to take it seriously
Modern dating is full of phrases like “want to chill?” Or “we’re just talking.” There seems to be some constant fear of admitting we’re looking for romance, and fear is the nemesis of open-mindedness and confidence. Traditionally, dates (even blind dates) were entered into with the understanding that both parties were looking for a life partner. This isn’t intended to put pressure on a date, but rather foster the sensation of freedom. Freedom from feeling like you can’t be the first one to show interest, or freedom from doubting the intentions of your date, or freedom to really be yourself. Think of it this way, dating with intention draws others with the same intentions to you. Even if they aren’t your forever match, they’re likely to treat you with the respect and open-mindedness a potential future partner deserves.

Second chances are in style again
Most cultures with strong religious influences have some great tenants about second chances. These are excellent to use in the dating world, especially to combat the increasing short attention span of modern dating. As exciting as online dating is, it often comes with the mentality that there is always another match, maybe even a “better” match on the horizon, and we are quick to discard the present for the imagined. But so many factors can affect a first impression—dates can make people nervous, the wrong activity or setting can make things awkward, a bad day before can skew the experience—it’s unproductive to judge off of one experience alone. In geometry, any two points can make a line, but you need to have a least three points in a row to justify a pattern. We’re not saying disregard your instincts or red flags, but the traditional way of taking your time to form an opinion and giving several chances before you decide really helps us not miss out on someone amazing. And if you do decide they aren’t the right fit, communicate that directly and kindly. “Ghosting” is a modern tradition that should disappear as fast as the people who use it do.

Modesty is still classy
Honestly, modesty never really went out of style. Just look at Meghan Markle’s modest glamour-look with her prince—modesty is classy, timeless, and features the person wearing the clothes rather than the clothes themselves. But it’s hard to master; it requires you to have a sense of self, an idea of your own style, and a confidence in presenting yourself to the world. Many people would rather dress in a way that distracts from themselves (for shock value or to emphasize their body) because it makes them feel less personally vulnerable. Presenting your best self on a date with modesty isn’t an old-fashioned technique, it’s merely an underutilized one.

Matchmakers are back and better than ever
This is perhaps the ultimate example of both worlds working together. Jewish matchmakers are a longstanding tradition hearkening from a time when we lived in smaller communities where everyone knew everyone and common values, culture, and companions were abundant. It seemed like a much simpler dating era next to our increasingly complex modern dating world. And yet, the gift of the vast Internet and technology to widen our romantic horizons is wonderful! The beauty of modern matchmakers is that we can combine both: the power of technology and the intimacy of a small pool of select, compatible matches chosen by someone who knows you very well. That’s why our process spends so much time getting to know you, before we even begin digging through our databases of wonderful single people! Matchmakers can take the Internet of endless dating opportunities, and turn it into a simpler, more intimate dating experience—(with a much better success rate for finding a true life partner!)

No need to pick only one dating style or the other—older Jewish dating traditions absolutely have a place in the modern dating world. In fact, this brave new world could still learn a thing or two from the classic moves!

WHY TEXTING WHILE DATING ISN’T JUST RUDE, BUT MIGHT BE MESSING UP YOUR CHANCES FOR ROMANCE

DATING UNPLUGGED: WHY TEXTING WHILE DATING ISN’T JUST RUDE, BUT MIGHT BE MESSING UP YOUR CHANCES FOR ROMANCE

TEXTING WHILE DATING

Cellphones are without question the greatest invention we never knew we needed. These tiny pocket computers have launched revolutions (looking at you, Arab Spring), replaced everything from maps to calculators to boom boxes, and given us a way to never be alone (stuck in line at Starbucks? Quick, check Facebook! Text your mom! Anything but be alone with your thoughts for more than a few minutes…). And they’ve been changing how our brains work.

So naturally, we have to wonder, how have these smarter-than-ever phones changed the dating landscape?  On the one hand, they’ve brought a new platform by which to meet an increasing number of dates—Google searches for “best dating apps 2018” are up by over 2000% recently. On the other hand, they’ve been fundamentally altering (or interfering with) the dating process.

Our very own University of Florida has been studying the addicting nature of cell phones—or more accurately, our newfound addiction to being constantly connected without having any quality connections. The rapid access to social contact and information can magnify existing anxieties we don’t even realize we have. Sensitive to how others perceive you? A lack of timely responses to your texts and voicemails can exacerbate that sensitivity into a bigger stressor.  Perfectionist in need of always making the best decisions? Endless Yelp reviews (and dating profiles) can lead to analysis paralysis and decision fatigue.  As we’ve already mentioned in our previous article on online dating apps, nearly 31% of users believe dating apps keeps people from settling down, because there’s always another option down the line, according to Pew.

But most importantly for dating, phones without question interfere with our ability to connect in the moment. Despite what we’d all love to believe, multitasking is a myth that our brains can’t really do.  At best, we are rapidly shifting our attention between tasks.  That’s a great skill to have in a workplace, but terrible for forging a romantic connection. Chemistry is built on trust, respect, bonding, and physical attraction. While attraction can sometimes be instantaneous, the other components take time and attention to develop.  Every time your focus switches to your phone, no matter how briefly, it basically starts the bonding clock over again (not to mention reads as dismissive and disinterested to your date). Our matchmakers understand why our busy, professional singles are always trying to maximize their time, but that’s why it’s all the more important to focus completely when you’re on a date to get the most out of the experience you can. Let us save you time by discerning only the best matches for you in advance, so you can take the time you need to see if the chemistry is there.

Meanwhile, if you find yourself on the receiving end of some rude texting behavior, try not to be too offended right away. After all, we’re all figuring out this brave new world of dating in the age of smartphones together!

HOW TO READ (AND USE!) BODY LANGUAGE FOR BETTER DATING

DATING DECODER – HOW TO READ (AND USE!) BODY LANGUAGE FOR BETTER DATING

body language dating

If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times—body language communicates far more than words do, and far more honestly.  The modern dating scene can seem full of people adept at obscuring their intentions in ambiguous words. But our bodies can’t lie.  If you can learn to decode the messages a potential match’s body is sending, you can see a mile away if he’s looking for a relationship or a hook-up, and if she really wants you to ask for her number!

Here’s the breakdown from our professional matchmakers on what you need to know about body language (and if you want the list of the many reasons, body language advice from professional matchmaker Nancy Gold is more useful than generic dating app advice, check out this previous post):

Elegant Introduction’s Better Body Language Decoder

Maximizing the effect of Eye Contact–the act of making eye contact is a physically arousing experience for humans.  Both positively and negatively so, depending on context.

When you pair direct eye contact with signs of dominance or determination—crossed arms, an uplifted chin, furrowed brows—it can read as challenging and intimidating, arousing fear or aggression in the other person.  But when you pair eye contact with softer, more inviting body language—a smile, a slight tilt of the head—it triggers an immediate emotional impact that arouses feelings of attraction.

Keep in mind the first time you make eye contact is the most emotionally powerful first impression you get.  Visual judgments are made faster and more emotionally than judgments based on verbal communication, and they are nearly impossible to change.

So take the time to let your first moment of eye contact land without distracting the brain with lots of words.  Smile and connect with another person for maximum emotional impact.  Then follow it up with your charming personality!

Show a little vulnerability–the neck, chest, and wrists are fairly vulnerable spots on the human body.  When we expose these, even for brief, rare moments called ‘flashes,’ we show that we are comfortable and interested in our partner.  For women, this often manifests in small tilts of the head, or pushing back the hair (exposing the neck), or small finger movements that expose the wrist.  She might circle the rim of a glass, or twirl a pen, or make small ‘self-touches’ on her collarbone, face, or hair. For men, this usually looks like him facing his front towards the date, and standing more erect, exposing his chest and trying to display confidence.

A little fidgeting is fine–usually, especially if your date is introverted, fidgeting shows they are interested and nervous!  Both men and women fix their hair when they are self-conscious (though, with certain styles, men might try to make their hair look messier rather than neater!), especially when they want to impress.

When we are happy, blood flows to the hands keeping them pliable and the fingers more open, when we stress the fingers are colder, stiffer, and more tucked into themselves.  If you can keep your hands open and moving gently, even if it means fidgeting a little, it keeps you reading as open.  Just be careful not to let the nervousness and insecurity make you too defensive.  Don’t cross your arms, or slouch, or let your hands clench up, as not only will this read poorly to your date, but it will send messages to your own brain to feel even worse than you might already feel.

These are just the tip of the iceberg.  Remember, signals can vary slightly from person to person, so trust us when we say it’s much better to get personalized body language tips if you want to be ‘fluent!’

What Men Really Want in a Dating Match 

Dating Match

What Men Really Want in a Dating Match

Unlike the Spice Girls, men are not going to sing you a laundry list of what they want. And for better or for worse, there’s as many “tips” about the way to a man’s heart as there are “diet” plans—and they often have just as much evidence supporting their claims (which is to say none) as those food fads. The good news is, with our professional dating advice, you won’t need Mel-Gibson-style mind-reading abilities to see inside a man’s head and heart. Some of it may even sound familiar, but keep in mind it may not mean what you’ve previously assumed.

Men want to take off the mask

What this means: there’s a lot of pressure in the everyday world for men to constantly be “the most alpha male” in the room, the strongest, or the least emotional. But men also have sensitive sides and nerdy sides and meat-and-potatoes sides. Men (just like women) want a partner who is a safe haven from the social pressures of the world. Someone they can be 100% themselves around without fear of judgment or fear of disappointing.

How to do it: Be the person he can go to for no drama, and for relaxation. Don’t expect him to be on his best behavior so he can “deserve” you. Let him be himself, without judgment, and let activities and conversations naturally flow from there.

What this doesn’t mean: You don’t have to fake an interest in all his passions, men don’t want a robot girlfriend with no personality of her own. And you don’t have to gloss over, ignore, or excuse bad behavior. If he really has habits that you can’t condone, then he isn’t the match for you, but if it’s just something you don’t get or like yourself, maybe realize you probably have habits he doesn’t like or understand either!

Men want to be comfortable in a dating match

What this means: Men are naturally more susceptible to triggering the “fight or flight” instinct in response to stressors. It’s exhausting. One of the most simple, and real, male desires is to be comfortable.

How to do it: Be open to some consistency and routine, rather than expecting everything to be fireworks and Disneyland. Let Netflix and chill actually mean a nice Netflix night and pizza. Let some dates be more activity-based and fun than constant intense emotional connection and conversation. Relax if he doesn’t text right away. If we had a nickel for every time we heard a man describe his dream date as “easy-going,” we’d be hanging with Bill Gates.

What this doesn’t mean: Don’t go throwing on the sweats just yet! This doesn’t mean give up on romance and skipping straight to the “relationship-zone.” Find a balance between a little mystery, spontaneity, and some old-fashioned comfort. And this doesn’t mean you have to cater to his every whim to keep him comfortable. Again, no robot girlfriends here, please!

Men want to make you happy

What this means: Contrary to years of stereotyping, men like making women happy! And not just sexually. Maybe it’s an old-fashioned provider instinct, but they want to take care of you and prove their worth by making you happy. It’s wonderful really!

How to do it: When you want something in the relationship, be honest and direct. Men are not mind readers, and not sharing your desires makes it impossible for him to be your knight-in-shining armor. Sometimes, be vulnerable and let him help you handle something you’re struggling with, even if you could take care of it alone. And let him see when you’re happy! Everyone likes happy people, but it’s especially sweet when they know they’re a part of that happiness.

What this doesn’t mean: There’s a line between honest communication and controlling behaviors, so pay attention to how you communicate. And there’s another line between being vulnerable and being a needy partner and an emotional drain.

Men like being important to you

What this means: Men may have an ego, but it’s not always about being the smartest or the strongest. Sometimes, they just need a little help realizing you do, in fact, care for them.

How to do it: Make room for him in your life! No one likes to feel like a throw rug you bought because everyone else has one, but you don’t’ really want. Take time to tell him something specific you appreciate about him, it lets him know you’re paying attention and that he is something good in your life. Find little ways to let him be a hero.

What this doesn’t mean: “Wow, you’re soooo impressive!” See previous suggestion about fake robot girlfriends.

Men want someone who makes them a better version of themselves

What this means: Men are humans. They want a relationship that brings out the best in them, that makes their life more fulfilling and more full of joy.

How to do it: Listen to your date, let yourself discover what makes them incredible, and build on it. Share with your partner the good you see in them. Sometimes, a little support and love can help a person be brave enough to do what really matters to them in life.

What this doesn’t mean: Don’t go picking “project” men you can “fix.” Men want to feel empowered to be themselves even better than before, NOT to be what you want them to be.

When in doubt? Just remember, men are humans, too. We often want the same things from life and relationships, we just have different ways of pursuing them!

The Art of creating Chemistry

Art of creating chemistry

The Art of creating Chemistry…

… and we say art because calling it a science would be too easy! Besides, “science” implies measurable results and a systematized technique.  There are no such guarantees or simple instructions for the romantic kind of chemistry. But an “art” is the conscious use of a skill acquired by experience and a little creativity (thanks Merriam-Webster!), and that’s exactly what it takes to create chemistry on a date. With a little practice, a little creativity, and the guidelines from our professional matchmakers, you’ll be able to build chemistry in no time!

First impressions first – be warm and approachable

For science nerds, first impressions stem from one of the most fundamental parts of the brain, the amygdala.  Essentially, this means they are instinctual, directly tied to emotional motivations, and almost impossible to override. So send the message that you are a warm, caring person who is approachable. Yes, dating can feel like risking rejection, which can make you feel shy, scared, or defensive—we understand! But those emotions do you no favors, and often can unintentionally read as coldness.  After all, your date is risking just as much as you are, and being brave enough to smile or be friendly will put your date at ease.

Build on Encouragement

So you’ve already nailed the first impression, now you build on that.  Encouraging your date to open up, be genuine, and have fun requires active listening.  It’s more than just compliments. It’s noticing what topics excite your date, learning what lights them up, and finding out what really matters to them.  Rather than trying to impress, be engaged in your partner and that will make them feel valued.  Not only that, studies show that getting to talk about themselves releases dopamine in your date’s brain, while positive social experiences release oxytocin…

Let the emotional chemistry lead to the physical chemistry

Now you’ve got the dopamine and oxytocin flowing! Why does this matter? Because dopamine is a chemical credited with creating the feeling of attraction between humans, and oxytocin is the “bonding” chemical found in long-term relationships.  The physical experience of chemistry often stems from positive emotional bonding experiences, thanks to these neural reward pathways! Or with less science, think of physical chemistry like frosting and emotional chemistry like cake. Cake without frosting is boring, but frosting without cake is unfulfilling and empty calories!

Strive to bring out the best in your date

All the previous tips should naturally lead to this.  Being approachable makes your date feel welcome and at ease.  Encouraging them by being engaged and interested makes them feel desired and bonded.  Two things usually happen in response to this: first, your date will instinctually match your behavior and repay the encouragement and warmness in kind, and second, you might just realize what an incredible person you have across the table!  Want someone passionate? Watch them talk about their passions! Want someone driven or exciting?  Listen to them share about what motivates and excites them. To bring out the best, you must see the best; it’s that simple. And they just might return the favor!

Have fun and be open

Lastly and most importantly, stay open-minded and genuine! No date, and no human is perfect, but love is still an incredible experience that naturally finds its way out of our imperfections. Most of the success stories our professional matchmakers hear were “surprising” (at least to the client!).  So stay open, because who might light you up may not be who you expect.  And have fun! Because everyone wants to date someone fun to be around and open-minded.

How to Make his Heart Pound

Matchmaker Advice on How to Make his Heart Pound

If there’s one question we hear more than any other, it’s “how do I make him want me?” And we’re not the only ones. Google searches for “texts to make him want me” are through the roof! And in any given episode of The Bachelor, the all-elusive ‘connection’ is mentioned more times than we can count (we don’t recommend the Bachelor drinking game for that exact reason).

But, ladies, we understand. Chemistry can feel so out of your control, it’s natural to worry and wonder if he feels any of the attraction you feel. And with article after article claiming “men are visual creatures,” it’s easy to feel like a heart-stopping romance is the prerogative of the celebrity beautiful. Well, we have good news and bad news…

…It’s not just physical; it’s how you make him feel.

After all, if it were purely physical, no attractive person would ever be home alone watching Netflix on a Saturday night (and we’ve all been there). But the bad news is this means you’re going to have to put in some effort when you’re ready to make the connection. No more sitting around waiting for proverbial lightning to strike. If you’ve gotten yourself a matchmaker or a dating coach, you’re already halfway there! But since we won’t be dating for you, here are our top tips to get him falling for you:

Compliment and appreciate him

Men LOVE compliments—sometimes they just have a hard time admitting it. Typically, men are expected to do more complimenting of others than receiving kind words and they often receive fewer romantic compliments than their partners. Sounds exhausting. Listen to him, notice him, and let him know what you appreciate. He might not know how to respond at first, but he might start to feel like he can relax with you and lower his defenses. And isn’t that a big part of what a relationship is about, after all?

Don’t be afraid to let him see that you’re trying to connect

Playing hard to get may sound sexy, but it rarely works. A relationship is reciprocal, give-and-take, so anyone ready for a relationship is looking for that. Real effort to connect with someone is the biggest non-verbal compliment you can give. It shows that you acknowledge and accept the other person, and everyone loves that feeling.

Get into Body Language

Nonverbal communication is key. Most communication occurs through nonverbal cues, and honestly, our human brains are not as great multitaskers as we think. We can barely process audial and visual information at the same time. So take some time to just listen and observe. Notice what topics excite him, what stories light him up. You’ll learn more about your date and about his interest level in you from these nonverbal cues than from all the witty repartee in the book.

Don’t Worry, Be Happy

Yep, Bobby McFerrin had it right. We’ve seen it time and time again, happy people are much more attractive and get more dates. Just trust us, you look great when you smile! And once you’ve made him feel listened to, appreciated, excited, and happy, he won’t be able to wait for your next date!

Foolproof Date Conversation Topics

Foolproof Date Conversation Topics

Foolproof Date Conversation Topics (and ones to avoid…)

When asking about the weather just isn’t enough, and asking about politics is a little too much, it can be hard to find the sweet spot for fun, engaging conversation starters. Luckily our expert matchmakers have you covered.

If you didn’t have a great date right now, what would you be doing? What does your dream weekend look like?  Your dream job?

Notice the common denominator? All those questions are different ways of asking about what they love to do.  Whether it’s career, hobby, or travel related, get your date talking about what they love! Not only will you get your date animated and excited to talk, but you will also discover what their values, priorities, and interests are.

Tonight is fun for me because…

Be positive and appreciative. Bonus points if you find something to appreciate in your date!  Focusing on the positive is the easiest way to make a date a good experience instead of a Tinder horror-story. And getting specific about what you appreciate helps you recognize what you’re looking for in a date, and eventually in a relationship.

Wow, that must be very difficult…

Empathy and compassion are the long-lost arts of dating.  They are the best way to build trust and the best way to bridge the gap between dating and a long-lasting relationship. Listen with your whole body to your date, absorb what they are telling you, and respond without making it about you. Even if it’s not a “love connection,” remember that dating is hard for everyone and you’re both in it together. Give as much patience and understanding as you would like in the messy world of dating!

DON’T dwell on the past

Past relationships, experiences, and loved ones may have been formative for you, but a date is about who you are now and who you want to be.  When you dwell on the past, it gives the impression those people or experiences are dominating your present.  Your date should be focusing on you, not on your exes or your children or your crazy relative.

DON’T complain or be judgmental

We’ve all had that terrible date who was rude to a waiter or couldn’t stop complaining about the food, the décor, the weather… Negativity while dating reads as a personality trait and a precedent for what your date can expect from a relationship with you. On top of that, the more you complain the more your brain will fixate on each complaint, distracting you from the good.

Matchmaking is about so much more than just getting two compatible people in a room together. It’s about helping them see the best in each other, and helping them show the best of themselves, so any connection formed is real and lasting.

5 Tips Professional Matchmakers wish you knew about First Dates

5 TIPS PROFESSIONAL MATCHMAKERS WISH YOU KNEW ABOUT FIRST DATES

Relax and Enjoy Your First Date with These Simple Elite Matchmaker Tips

The dreaded First Date. Nowadays, with another date just a swipe away, it seems like the pressures and awkwardness of a first date have only been magnified. At least with a professional matchmaker you know you’ll be meeting someone you actually have compatibility with, but whether or not you connect is really up to you. Our matchmakers put together a list of the five dating tips they wish more people knew going in to a first date:

Bring out the best in your date
It’s a well-known body language principle that humans subconsciously emulate the behaviors of those around them. If you are happy and comfortable, you will put your date at ease. If you are honest and compassionate, they will naturally respond in kind. Bringing out the best in your date requires you to see what their best qualities are, rather than being critical from the start. Best of all, it might just bring out the best in you.

Bring your smile
It may sound like the cheesiest dating advice in the world, but it’s actually science! People with smiles were perceived as more glowing and healthier than others (with or without makeup!). More than that, smiling relaxes you. If you come into a first date with a smile, you are coming in with an open and positive attitude, which makes you much more likely to connect with your date.

Listen rather than talk…
The impulse to talk when you want to impress a first date is a natural one. Unfortunately, you don’t notice or learn as much while you’re talking, and the more you talk the more chances you have to say something embarrassing or overload your date with information! Focusing on your date makes you less self-conscious. Even better, you’ll make your date feel understood and cared about, building a bond and a natural flow of give-and-take conversation.

…But don’t interrogate your date
This goes for ‘interviewing,’ and ‘qualifying,’ too. The moment you make the date feel like an interview is the moment you put your partner on the defensive. No one likes to feel like they need to “sell” themselves, and it’s certainly not romantic! A relationship requires open-mindedness and mutual respect, so the first date should reflect those traits too. It’s personal, not professional—you don’t want your date to feel dating you would be a job!

Be friendly even if it’s not a match
Not every first date is going to lead to a meaningful relationship, and that’s okay. But every first date is a chance to practice being open and connecting with another human being. After all, practice makes perfect, and you might even have fun.
If nothing else, just remember our favorite quote, “As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” So go out and shine!

You had a great first date! Now what?

As elite matchmakers, we love hearing about wonderful first dates. Is there anything better than that tingly feeling you get when the sparks fly?

Then, there’s the question that so many singles have: What do I do now?

It’s actually a very good question. You want another date, but if you respond too soon, you’ll appear needy. On the other hand, if you wait too long, he’ll think you’re not interested. Are you supposed to just sit by your phone? Absolutely not!

Our advice to professional singles is this: if you can’t wait to go out again, there’s a very simple thing you can do that will help save your sanity and keep the line of communication open, too.

Simply text your date. Tell him you had a wonderful time, and that you look forward to seeing him again. Do this, even if you already said this during your first date. It certainly doesn’t hurt to be reminded. You really don’t have to say anything more. With this very simple move, you’ve put the proverbial ball in his court – without asking for another date.

What happens next will tell you a lot. Hopefully, your date will respond quickly. When you do connect again, remember to breathe and be in the moment during the conversation. Listen closely to what he’s telling you. Chances are, you will pick up on his interests. Say, for example, that he loves to dance, and you do, too. You could mention a favorite nightclub of yours and ask him if he’s ever been there. This gives him a clearer picture of what you like and makes it easier for him to ask for another date.

It’s important to remember that, even after an incredible first date, the two of you are still getting to know each other. After we, as matchmakers, arrange dates for our clients, we always speak with them individually to find out how the date went, and to guide them on next steps. Over and over again, our clients tell us how much they appreciate it when their dates share what they enjoy doing. Nobody should be expected to be a mind-reader. (This is something to keep in mind even if you get more serious with each other.)

The bottom line is, be open, be confident be of good cheer. Your date will pick up on your enthusiasm, and if the feelings are mutual, a second date will be right around the corner.

 

 

Dating Over 50

sun-sentinel-logo
While on the phone with my fellow Matchmaker Erica Arrechea of Cinqe Matchmaking, we spoke about common frustrations our clients over 50 express to us quite often. Among these frustrations, we noticed many of the issues had to do with conversation imbalance, non-verbal communication and misconception on what each sex wants in a partner.

Read on for Erica’s 3 key pieces of advice for those working their way through the 50+ dating pool.

1. Think of Dates as Adventures
Rather than the traditional sit across from each other over dinner and a glass of wine date, choose a nice, cozy bar or lounge and order an appetizer. Sit next to one another rather than sitting across from one another as this creates more opportunity for intimacy and physical contact. Men, you’re able to caress her back and ladies, you’re able to rest a hand on his knee. If the evening continues to go well, take a casual stroll down the walking strip. You don’t always need to go to a 5-star restaurant; a relaxed, classy bar helps keep the mood light and less stressful. Chemistry has a higher chance of happening within a calm, easy going environment.

2. Listen More, Speak Less
There are few things worse than going out with someone and hearing them only talk continuously about themselves and never ask about you. Sure, it’s a nervous habit for some to verbally vomit when in anxious situations, though try to take the pressure off of yourself by asking your date about their own lives. Great questions to ask would be “what’s your passion?” and “where would you love to travel to?” If you completely blank and there’s too much silence, start telling one another stories. Try not to make the date so serious. Focus on enjoying one another’s company rather than mentally trying to decide on whether they’ll be your next spouse.

3. Be Open To Change
A common misconception among older single women is that a majority of men their age only want to date much younger than their age group. While there are guys who want to date a woman half their age, a good amount of men do want to date women their own age. We always say that men go down 10 years and women go up 10 years, but that isn’t always the case. You have to keep an optimistic and open mindset in your dating life. Love can happen, you just have to remain open. The more open you are, the better your chances of finding genuine love.

Looking for love in the Los Angeles, Silicon Valley, or Orange County areas? Connect with Erica by emailing her at love@cinqe.com or by joining at Cinqe.com/join.