Stress – that’s a subject that most of us can relate to big time. It seems like we’re all stressed to some extent, but that doesn’t make it easier when you must deal with it.
When it comes to dating, many our clients say that they feel stressed. This is understandable. It’s natural to be nervous when you meet someone you don’t know very well. Add to that the possibility that this person might become your future soulmate, and you can see where nerves have a field day. But the key is to keep those natural nerves from festering. This is what breeds stress. The good news is that there are some simple tips to keep those nerves in check.
- Location, location, location. Believe it or not, the site of your date plays a lot into your comfort factor. For some, the finest or newest or hottest restaurant in town is perfect for a first date. But for others, there’s the feeling that this atmosphere creates a lot of expectations. If this is you, remember there are many other options. Many first dates now happen over coffee at Starbucks. There’s something about a coffee house that makes it a more relaxed atmosphere. If you’re both love the outdoors, a picnic in the park can make a terrific first date. Make sure you decide on a place that makes you both feel comfortable.
- Time matters, too. Just like the location of your date, the time of day also plays a factor in your comfort level. Traditionally, dates occur in the evening, but again, there are those who believe that night dates carry too many expectations. That’s why lunch dates are becoming more and more popular. They’re usually shorter, and if you say that you must get back to the office, it usually means that you really do have to get back to the office. If you and your date find that you’re connecting with one another, you can always plan for a longer date for next time.
- Remember to breathe. Before you say, “Of course I will breathe,” let me explain a little further. Sure, everyone breathes. But as far as relaxation goes, most people do not breathe correctly. We take short breaths, and we rarely even think about them. To relax, you need to take deep breaths, hold them for about a second or two, then release slowly. (There are many other deep breathing techniques, but this is one of the easiest ways to de-stress quickly.) If you don’t feel comfortable doing this in public, take a minute to go to the bathroom and breathe there. When you do this, you are literally giving your brain a message to calm down. Your brain then dutifully spreads that message throughout your body. Your heart rate slows down. Your blood pressure is reduced. Very quickly, you are much more relaxed, and ready to show your date how terrific you are.
- Don’t fear imperfections. Does this sound familiar? You’re out with a great date. You’re really clicking – and then you spill a little wine on your lap. You want to crawl under the table, right? Don’t even think about that. It’s much better to acknowledge this little slip up. You can crack a little joke about it (“Oh well, at least I’m giving my dry cleaners some new business.”) Or you can simply say, “I’m sorry. I’m just a little nervous.” Often, this endears you to your date. After all, nobody’s perfect, and you’re showing her that when unexpected things happen, you know how to handle them.
- Exit plans are your friends. Of course, you hope the date goes well. But on dates, as in life, a little planning never hurts. A common one is to have a friend call you during the date. If the date’s going well, you won’t even answer the call. But if there’s no connection with your date at all, well then, my goodness, you’ve suddenly got an emergency to deal with. Of course, if you have the wherewithal to tell the guy that this just isn’t going well, then more power to you. But whatever your exit strategy is, it helps to have one.
Above all, remember that a date is just that. A date. It’s nowhere near a commitment. Once you realize this, it frees you up to be more like yourself. It is one more experience that will only help you as you continue your journey to find your soulmate. She is out there. You may just have to calm your nerves to find her.