As matchmakers, we often speak with singles who are very concerned about safety in today’s online dating world. At a time when it’s become more acceptable to share information about yourself with people you hardly know — or don’t even know at all — how can you be sure that your information is safe, and that the people you’re communicating with are actually telling the truth about themselves?
At Elegant Introductions, we perform criminal background checks on all our potential clients. We have every client go through a vetting process to make sure that they really are who they say they are. Our clients often tell us that this commitment to their safety is one of the major benefits of our matchmaking service. CBS Channel 12 recently profiled us and one of our clients about our vetting process. Click on the video below to find out how our extensive background checks make singles like Carol much more secure about re-entering the dating world.
Now that the Jewish holidays are behind us, and everyone’s back to their normal schedules, it’s a good time to be reminded of what we promised ourselves just a few weeks ago—to be even better as individuals than we were last year.
This is the time of year when everything’s new again. Simchat Torah marked the completion of the annual reading of the Torah—and the commitment to read it once again from the beginning. This notion of starting over is recognized often in Judaism, and it reminds us that so many things in our lives come in cycles.
Dealing with endings is often painful, but it’s important to remember that endings can also bring the promise of new beginnings.
If you’re a Jewish single in today’s dating scene, you probably know all about beginnings and endings. Maybe you’ve gone through a divorce, or the end of a relationship that you hoped would be “the one.” Or maybe you’re tired of always “beginning again,” because your dating life doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.
You probably think it’s easier to give up on finding a serious relationship. But more often than not, it only seems easier to think that way. Negative thoughts like this can lead to low self-esteem, which is never easy to live with.
So, how do you find the determination to start over again?
First, remind yourself of what Judaism tells us—that endings are a part of life, and that starting over again builds resilience and confidence. You’ve probably heard the old saying “When G-d closes a door, He opens a window.” It may sound corny, but it’s true.
Before you start over again, take time for serious reflection. If you haven’t had much luck with relationships, use this time to figure out why that is. You may think that you’re doing everything right, but here’s a hard truth: usually both parties are at least somewhat responsible when a relationship goes sour—or when a relationship doesn’t even get off the ground in the first place. Remember that introspection is a positive thing—and it’s also a Jewish thing. There’s always room for self-improvement.
Take a look around you. Think of the couples you know. How many of them have known each other since childhood, have only dated each other, and have remained happily married? Probably very few. As for the rest, they’ve been where you are. They’ve known the pain of break-ups or even divorces. Yet they preservered. And guess what? They, too, have to muster the strength for endings and new beginnings. Jobs end. Children grow up and move away. Even if a couple has been together for a long time, they’ve probably faced relationship challenges at one time or another. They know all too well that nothing ever stays the same, and that adapting to change is important for their relationship.
So, as this new year is still in its fresh beginning stage, remember that there are always opportunities to begin again.
Elegant Introductions can help you do this. We are Jewish matchmakers, and yet we are so much more. We take the time to get to know you personally, and we can help make sure that, when it comes to dating, you are indeed ready to start over. Contact us today and let us help you get started on your new beginning.
Have you ever received a text that says YOLO or whaassup? You grin and bear it because it’s supposed to be the new way of communicating, but you probably wonder what’s happening with the English language.
You’re not alone. According to this fascinating article in the Wall Street Journal, singles place a very high value on proper speaking and grammar usage. For many, poor grammar is a deal-breaker.
We know that many of our clients feel this way. After all, they are among South Florida’s most sophisticated and successful singles. Most of them would have never gotten to where they are if they didn’t have the ability to speak professionally and clearly. And most of them expect this from their prospective dates. We’ve had several clients come to us because they’re tired of all the modern-day slang they see in so many online dating sites and phone apps. They yearn for someone who can actually still write complete sentences; someone who clearly says what they mean. We can’t blame them.
When you come to us at Elegant Introductions, we can coach you on effective speaking and writing. For many Miami singles, English is not their first language. We give them tips on how to write and communicate more effectively. It’s one of the ways that we cover all the bases in the dating world. It’s our business to know what singles want, as well as the little things — like grammar — that can actually sink a date if you’re not careful.
Contact us today and see for yourself how detailed we are when it comes to helping you find a partner.
Nancy Gold, co-founder of Elegant Introductions, is a psychologist who has been counseling individuals and couples for the past 25 years. We’ve invited readers and social media followers to submit dating and relationship questions to Nancy, and the response has been tremendous! Here, she will answer those questions, in the hope of helping singles navigate today’s complex dating scene.
Dear Nancy,
I’m dating a man who has a small child with joint custody and no child care. Because his ex-wife works evenings, he assumes the responsibility for child care including bathing, feeding etc. This results in his being unavailable in the evenings unless he brings his son along. I really like this guy but how do we move forward? – Ellen K.
Dear Ellen,
He sounds like a very caring, attentive father, and even if he brings his son along on dates, it shows that he’s at least trying to find a way make things work between the two of you. Is there any chance to have an honest conversation with him? Most important: he shouldn’t feel pressure, but he should realize himself if he wants to move forward in a relationship he will need to make some private time. Good luck to the both of you.
Got a dating or relationship question? Just send it to social@jelegantintroductions.com and put Ask Nancy in the subject line. Be sure to include your full name and email address. (This is for verification only. To protect your privacy, we only use first names and initials online.) Nancy will be glad to answer as many dating or relationship questions as possible.
At Elegant Introductions, we see many singles thinking about dating after divorce.
As this piece in the Huffington Post attests, there is one tip that is more important than anything else: know yourself. What your values are. What your goals are. What your relationship expectations are. If you don’t know all this, finding a soulmate is going to be much more challenging.
This is where Elegant Introductions can really help. We meet with you face-to-face. We really take the time to get to know you. We can guide you in discovering things about yourself that you might have never really thought about before.
It’s important to know yourself, but it’s not easy. Contact us and let us guide you on your journey.
Nancy Gold, co-founder of Elegant Introductions, is a psychologist who has been counseling individuals and couples for the past 25 years. We’ve invited readers and social media followers to submit dating and relationship questions to Nancy, and the response has been tremendous! Here, she will answer those questions, in the hope of helping singles navigate today’s complex dating scene.
Dear Nancy,
I’m dating a guy whose dad is extremely ill. He keeps canceling our dates, I’m sympathetic because of his father’s health, but where does that leave me? – Carol J.
Dear Carol,
Be patient and remember to be compassionate. I’m assuming this guy would not be canceling dates under normal circumstances, and the illness of a parent is tough for anyone. Yet believe it or not, these are the times that people are emotionally open to connecting. So reach out and be open. Maybe you could bring him coffee to the hospital or meet him for dinner afterwards. Some people are afraid to do this because they think it will be taken as a sign of getting “too serious.” It isn’t that at all. It’s a sign that you care and you want to help. It’s a sign that, if your relationship does get serious, you WILL be there, for better AND for worse. Any guy who’s also looking for a serious relationship should respond to this positively – and appreciate your efforts sincerely.
Nancy Gold, PhD, is a licensed psychologist who has been counseling individuals and couples for the past 25 years. Known as the Relationship and Healing Expert, she trained at the Harvard School of Behavioral Medicine Mind Body Institute. She received her PhD in psychology from the University of Miami, and she completed her post-doctoral fellowship in neuropsychology at the University of Miami School of Medicine.
Got a dating or relationship question? Just send it to social@jelegantintroductions.com and put Ask Nancy in the subject line. Be sure to include your full name and email address. (This is for verification only. To protect your privacy, we only use first names and initials online.) Nancy will be glad to answer as many dating or relationship questions as possible.
In just a few days, Jewish people all over the world will hear the call of the shofar and celebrate Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. The days in between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are among the most important days of the year.
Most everyone knows that on Yom Kippur, we ask G-d’s forgiveness for ways in which we have transgressed during the past year. However, the act of teshuvah means that we also seek forgiveness among friends and loved ones. If we have hurt them in anyway, we want them to know that we’re sorry. This is always a healthy subject for Jewish singles who yearn for meaningful relationships, because forgiveness is a key element for any successful relationship.
In Hebrew, the word teshuvah does not mean “I’m sorry.” It literally means to return. It’s about restoring balance, both with G-d and with those who are important to us. Couples must always deal with balance in their relationship, no matter how long they’ve been together. Most arguments happen because that balance is thrown off in some way. How do you repair it? By being open and honest with each other—and by asking forgiveness if you know you did something wrong.
Still, for so many people, it’s incredibly difficult to say “I’m sorry,” especially to someone they love. If you are one of those people, take heart. Admitting mistakes is a strength, not a weakness. Some of us are old enough to remember the movie Love Story, with that classic line, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Don’t believe that! Love means that you do have to say you’re sorry. It shows that you’re aware of your weaknesses, and that you respect your partner’s feelings.
Of course, there are things that are very tough to forgive. Ask anyone who’s been through a nasty divorce, or someone whose grief is profound due to the loss a loved one. But during the High Holidays, we are asked to forgive as much as we can. When we do this, we often find forgiveness to be liberating, as if an enormous weight has been lifted from us. On Yom Kippur, when we ask G-d to inscribe us in the Book of Life for the next year, we do so from a perspective of deep awareness. We have come to terms with how we have transgressed, and we have ideas of how we can be even better to ourselves and to those around us in the year ahead.
We at Elegant Introductions wish all of you a Happy and Healthy New Year. May you be inscribed for a year of joy, love, and exciting new relationships.
When we saw this post in the Huffington Post, we couldn’t help but laugh. It was very much a laugh of familiarity. As matchmakers, we hear this from clients all the time: dating certainly has changed, and it’s not what it used to be.
But here’s a news flash: dating has never been easy. We sure remember what it was like. There were the blind dates that mostly turned out to be horrible. Then there were the dates who didn’t quite turn out to be as great as we thought they would.
Whether you’re used to the old school or new school of dating, we understand your frustrations. That’s why we work closely with you to find out about your history, your values, and what you expect to find in a partner. We are “old school” in one very important way. We carefully vet all our clients. Before you even meet your first date, you will get a true sense of who he is. We know that many singles miss that very much, and we’re bringing that kind of dating back.
Contact us today to find out more. And click here to find out what Huffington Post readers miss most about old-school dating. Do you agree? Tell us what you miss about old-school dating by commenting below. We would love to hear from you.
When it comes to dating, every single parent has questions and issues that go way beyond “will he like me,” or “are we a good match.”
Take author Michele Weldon, for example. First, she had to flee an abusive relationship. Then, her ex pretty much abandoned her three sons, leaving all parenting responsibilities to her. That would be enough for anyone, but there’s more: she was diagnosed with breast cancer. With all this on her plate, she could be excused for forgetting about dating. But she didn’t do that, and in her funny and honest new memoir, Escape Points, Michele shares her experiences of wading back into the dating scene, even with all her commitments and responsibilities.
In the book, she recounts the years in between the end of her abusive relationship, and her decision to finally start dating again. She writes: “It was easier to be alone. It was cleaner, less dangerous, less fussy, and it definitely made me less insecure. No heartache. I spent so many years without romance, filling up my life with my children and my work and every detail to keep it all afloat, and my needs receded. It was not even noticeable at first; I stopped wanting and figured that wasting my time mourning the loss of real affection was like ranting at a sunset or a rainstorm. When you let go of the need, the need lets go of you. Besides, I have had my heart broken open. So my heart opens only a little bit at a time.”
As a matchmaker, I coach many single parents. Most of the — especially ones whose previous marriage ended badly — go through the same motions that Michele did. They use their undoubtedly busy lives to cover up the loneliness lurking deep within them. When they realize this and start thinking about dating as a single parent, they’re afraid of getting their hearts so badly broken once more.
At Elegant Introductions, we understand the needs and concerns of single parents. It is our mission and privilege to give them everything they need to start dating again, even with their fears and life challenges. Contact us today and let us help you get started. If Michele Weldon can get back into dating as a single parent, so can you.
To read an excerpt of Michele’s new book, click here.
First dates. If you’re like most people, you prepare for them with a mix of anticipation and fear. I know. Not only am I a matchmaker who calms the first-date nerves of many singles, but I’ve also been on more than a few first dates myself. The nerves are quite understandable. Any time you open yourself to the possibilities of meeting someone new, there’s the risk of disappointment or rejection. Add on the idea that the person you’re about to go out with could be THE ONE, and those nerves can pile on tenfold.
For your date to be successful, though, you have to hold those nerves in check. Here’s the good news: this doesn’t have to be difficult. Here are some simple techniques to remember.
1. Pay attention to your breathing. I’m sure you’ve heard it before: just breathe. It sounds so simple, right? Sure, everybody breathes. But when it comes to relieving stress, very few people do it correctly. Before your date, take some deep breaths, and focus on the moment. This, in and of itself, will automatically calm you. You probably don’t want to be too obvious about deep breathing during your date, and that’s understandable. But even then, there are subtle ways to pay attention to your breathing. Many times, just by reminding yourself to breathe properly, you can guide yourself into remaining calm. If you’re not sure how to do it, here’s a terrific video from therapist and mental health specialist Kati Morton to guide you.
2. Less talking, more listening. For many singles, much of first date stress comes from worrying about what they’re going to say. I often tell my clients to say less and listen more. This helps for two reasons. First, if you talk a lot when you’re nervous, you’re more likely to say something you probably shouldn’t. But, maybe even more important, when you’re listening, you’re learning. The more you learn about your date, the more confident you become.
3. Make sure you’re comfortable with the atmosphere. On first dates—as in life—atmosphere is important. If you love the nightlife, you may be perfectly fine at a fancy restaurant or the newest, hottest nightclub for your first date. If you’re more restrained, coffee and a movie might be more your thing. Whether you’re the one suggesting the place, or you’re the one agreeing to it, it’s important to settle on a place where both you and your date will be comfortable. Whatever you do, avoid saying “yes” to a place just to please your date. If you’re uncomfortable, it will show—and it will not leave a good impression.
4. Dress for your date AND for yourself. Sure, you want to dress in a way that’s eye-catching for your date. But, when you’re thinking about what to wear, don’t forget about YOU. Beyond looking great, you also want to wear something that makes you feel comfortable and confident. When you look in the mirror, you want to look great and feel great. When you carry yourself confidently, it shows. Chances are, your date will notice. If he doesn’t, he’s probably not right for you, anyway.
5. Have a back-up plan. Sometimes, first dates don’t go well. It’s unfortunate, but it’s a part of life. But here’s a news flash: even after a terrible date, the world still goes on. If you think beforehand about a back-up plan, you can rest assured that, if all else fails, you can go to Plan B. It could be as simple as keeping your best friend on speed dial, so you know you can just call her up and say “You’ve won’t BELIEVE what just happened to me.” Some people even go as far as having friends come with them, placing them nearby just in case they have to give that friend a cue if the date’s going badly. You might call this passive-aggressive. I say it can be a form of dating survival. If having a back-up plan will ease your nerves, go ahead and make it.
By taking these techniques into consideration, you will survive any first date with your nerves, and your dignity, intact. And remember, if you are a single, Elegant Introductions is here to help you. Contact us today. Our mission is to match you with singles who want what you want—a successful, long-lasting relationship. We can help you reduce the stress of first dates—and of the entire dating process.
Nancy
Looking to relieve the stress of getting a first date? Start working with Elegant Introduction’s award-winning matchmakers, please contact us by filling out the form below.
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