Dating and kids: When should your kids meet your new love?

Here’s a question I often get from divorcees or widows with kids at home:

I’m seeing this wonderful man. I think he might be the one. But when should I introduce him to my kids?

This is always a potential minefield. Unfortunately, there’s no easy universal answer.

It depends on many factors: How old are your kids? How long has it been since your divorce? Do your kids still hope that you and your ex will get back together? These are just some of the questions you must ask yourself.

Especially if your kids are very young while you’re dating, it’s always a good idea to save introductions until you’re sure there’s a potential for a lasting, committed relationship. Beyond that, it’s best to trust your parental instincts. When you do introduce your new love to your kids, make your kids the center of attention during that conversation. Let them ask questions. If they’re shy, don’t force them to do or say anything they don’t want to. It might be a good idea to plan a family outing that involves your kids’ favorite activities.

Above all, be patient and understanding. Many of the happiest families I know are blended families. You just have to be very careful when you first mix your blend.

 

Nancy

Finding Love After Divorce

We like to romanticize the idea that our “first love” will be our only love and that marriage should be forever, which makes us petrified of the idea of divorce. However, with over half of all marriages ending in divorce, it’s a fact of life we have to face, and dating after divorce can be difficult for various reasons. Sometimes, relationships we initially feel comfortable in don’t end up working, and it’s easy to blame ourselves and let failed relationships close us off to future possibilities. There’s a notion that the pool of available singles gets smaller as we get older, further discouraging people from putting themselves out into the dating world. Michael S. Broder, Ph.D., author of The Art of Being Single said in a 2003 article in Psychology Today that there exists a fear of dating which can be the fear of being hurt, rejected or involved that results from a history of bad relationships.

Clearly, finding love after divorce isn’t easy, but it also isn’t impossible. It’s important to put yourself out there — planning activities you’ve always wanted to try and engaging in new and exciting experiences can be a great way to meet potential partners! Also, avoiding negativity is key: a positive self-image and a positive attitude about dating go a long way in getting back into playing the field. When you first started navigating the oft-treacherous waters of relationships, you may have wanted different qualities in your co-captain than you want now, so it’s helpful to have an idea as to how what you want has changed. Above all, it’s important to avoid “rebound relationships” — don’t hastily date just anyone for the sake of dating, but rather wait until you are ready to seek people with whom you are truly compatible.

Finding a partner with whom you’ll click can be quite difficult, but Elegant Introductions can help connect you with someone and get you back in the dating game, ready to score! For more information, call Nancy and Barbara at Elegant Introductions today at 305-615-1900 or contact us for more information.