What if you want to get serious, but your partner still wants to date others?

You want to get serious, but your partner’s still dating others. There’s one thing to do: talk about it!

Say you’ve met a special someone. You’ve got a lot in common and the sparks fly easily. You’re dating each other more often, and you can’t wait to see each other again.

It’s all fantastic. Then you realize that you don’t want to date anyone else—and you wonder whether your mate feels the same way.

As elite matchmakers, we know that relationships are both wonderful and complicated. Yes, some dating couples seriously fall for each other at the same pace. But more often than not, one partner arrives at the “let’s get serious” level faster than the other. Of course that’s usually the partner who says it’s time to toss any “little black books” and delete all dating site profiles. But what if the other partner isn’t quite there yet?

This is where a well-thought-out communication plan comes in very handy. Calmly but firmly, tell your partner that you don’t want to date anyone else, and you hope the feeling is mutual. If it is, mazel tov. If it isn’t, that’s where things can get tricky.

You need to find out why your partner isn’t quite ready for exclusivity. Be inquisitive, but not judgmental. There are some valid reasons why your partner wants to take things slower than you. Maybe he’s got other things going on in his life that make him a little hesitant about taking the relationship to the next level. Maybe she still needs a little more convincing that this relationship is “the one.” These may not be the answers you want to hear, but they should be handled with patience and understanding.

There is, of course, one circumstance that should raise a big red flag: when your partner won’t even think about dating you elitely. This usually means that they’re not as ready for a serious relationship as they say they are. It could also mean that they’re not as in to you as they say they are. Either way, it’s probably best to be realistic and move on.

At Elegant Introductions, we help singles sort out these types of issues all the time. Sure, we’re all about matching up fabulous singles. However, we follow up with them and stay connected to them long after the dating starts. We can help you determine whether your partner just needs a little more time to get serious—or whether there’s little chance of getting serious at all.

It all comes back to what you’ve probably heard all your life: when you’re relationship is absolutely right, you’ll know it. It’s just that some people “know it” faster than others.

If you’re single and looking for that special soulmate, we’re here to help. To learn more about Elegant Introductions, call Barbara and Nancy today at 305-615-1900 or contact us for more information.

 

Why finding the ideal relationship is like finding the ideal CEO

professional-couple-relationship
In a personal relationship or a business relationship, finding the right partner takes time and effort.

When the CEO of a top company, agency, or firm steps down, there’s usually a very detailed process for finding a successor. Because the CEO-company relationship is so important, search committees are formed. Top recruiting agencies are consulted. Potential candidates are scrupulously vetted.

There’s a good reason for this: the company’s continued success—not to mention its reputation–depends on getting the right person for the job. Finding that right person often takes a great deal of time and effort. That’s why you won’t find many companies posting top positions on Craigslist. And you certainly won’t find them depending solely on computers and phone apps for such a major position.

Any successful business person knows this. Yet somehow, many people don’t use these business techniques when it comes to dating—even successful business people. Somehow, this most important life decision is left to fate, chance, and in today’s world, computers and phones. No wonder so many singles are frustrated.

As professional matchmakers, dating and relationships are our business. We treat them like a business, and we believe you should, too. Now, we can hear a lot of you saying “gee, that doesn’t sound very romantic.” We beg to differ. While romance certainly involves the heart, we know it involves a lot more than that. For any romance to evolve into a serious relationship, there has to be a willingness to do some serious searching–not only for a partner, but also searching within yourself. It involves knowing what you truly want, both for yourself and for any future partner.

So many singles—especially those who are busy with their careers—tell us they don’t have time for this. That’s where Elegant Introductions comes in. When we become your “search committee,” we make the time to find ideal matches for you. We thoroughly vet all our candidates, so you don’t have to spend time on that. Plus, with our experience in both psychology and personal connections, we know just the right questions to ask you. By learning more about potential partners, you also learn about yourself. Isn’t self-discovery a huge part of business success? It’s also a big part of dating success.

If you’re as serious about finding the right life partner as you would be if you were finding the right business partner, contact us today or call us at 305-615-1900. After all, when two successful people come together to share each other’s values and visions, that’s the most important “merger” of their lives. We want to create as many of those mergers as we can.

How to hit a home run in dating

Baseball Couple
Home runs are heavenly–in baseball and in dating.

Anyone who loves baseball loves this time of year. The new season just started and hope springs eternal, no matter how your team did last year. As matchmakers, we think baseball and dating have a lot in common.  We’ve even created an interactive presentation, How to Hit a Home Run in Dating.

As any ball player who’s just gone through spring training will tell you, baseball takes lots of practice–and lots of heart. (As they sing in Damn Yankees, You Gotta Have Heart.) So does dating. When we give our presentation, we tell singles two things right off the bat (pun intended.) We tell them that dating takes lots of practice. And it takes a willingness to open your heart. The heart is more than a symbol of love; it’s a symbol of dedication. A positive dating experience is much more likely if you really put your heart into it.

How do you do this? The answer starts with one important word: communication. Certainly, everyone communicates. It’s just that we all need practice in communicating well. When it comes to dating communications skills, it’s important to remember that you communicate with others all the time. Even when you’re not speaking, you’re still sending powerful non-verbal messages to your date. Today, with texting, emails and phone messages, communication takes many forms. It’s wonderful to have these options, but they also make communication more complicated.

During our presentations, we ask two people to “role play” a first date scenario. Participants watch them, then rank this “couple” on verbal and non-verbal communication skills. Are they dressed appropriately? Do they make eye contact? Do they ask questions? Do they speak positively? These are just some of skills that we ask participants to consider. Every time we’ve done this, our role playing couple finds skills they did well–and skills that could use improvement. It’s this sense of self-discovery that makes the presentation fun and illuminating, both for the couple and for the participants.

As part of our matchmaking services, we always coach our clients on effective communication skills.  Just like our presentation participants, our clients learn a lot about themselves. Everyone wants to hit a home run when they date. Even so, we know that–like the best baseball players–we all strike out sometimes, despite our best intentions. That’s why we’ll always follow up with our clients. As matchmakers, we give them everything they need to keep stepping up to the plate with confidence.

Baseball players always rely on coaches. If you’re a single in Miami or Boston, let Elegant Introductions be your dating coach. We’re also available to speak to organizations and groups. Contact us today or call us at 305-615-1900, and find out how we can help you or or your “team.” We can’t put a World Series ring on your finger. But if you want a wedding ring on your finger, we’ll do whatever we can to help you get it.

 

 

Mixing the bitter and the sweet while dating

matzosandwichAs we gather at our Seder tables this weekend to celebrate Passover, we take part in a tradition that has bound us together as a people for thousands of years. One of our favorite parts of the Seder is the Hillel Sandwich. That’s where you take some charoset and some horseradish, and mix them together between two small pieces of matzah.

When we take a bite of that sandwich, we immediately taste the bitter (thanks to the horseradish) and the sweet (the charoset.) The sandwich symbolizes our freedom from slavery, reminding us that while slavery was bitter, our redemption was so much sweeter.

The Hillel Sandwich reminds us that life always combines the bitter and the sweet. So does dating. As matchmakers, we often hear dating stories from singles who don’t want to give their dates another chance after the first disagreement. But, as any couple will tell you, relationships are about communicating together and working out your differences. Even in the best relationships, couples must do this a lot.

When we work with singles, we do everything we can to give them a satisfying dating experience. We match them with people who share their interests and values. But even though we have plenty of sophisticated singles in our data base, nobody is perfect. Neither is any relationship. That’s why we coach our clients to be realistic about the sweet and the bitter of relationships.

When you think about it, dating is just like Hillel Sandwiches. It’s a lot more satisfying if you know just how to handle the bitter and the sweet.

Wishing you a happy and joyous Passover from Elegant Introductions.

Chag Sameach!

If you’re looking for that special soulmate, we’re here to help.   To learn more about Elegant Introductions, call Barbara and Nancy today at 305-615-1900 or contact us for more information.

 

Food for thought – or what to look for on that first restaurant date

dining photoLet’s say you’ve met someone, and there’s a definite mutual attraction. Where do you go on that first date? Chances are, it’s a restaurant.

There are plenty of good reasons for this. There’s the food, of course. Hopefully, it’s delicious, but aside from that, it serves another purpose: it takes some of the pressure off both of you, because the focus isn’t entirely on the both of you. Automatically, it gives you something to talk about. Plus, no matter how busy we are, we all have to eat. Even if the date doesn’t go well, your time’s not completely wasted.

At part of our dating services, we always follow up personally with our clients after dates. That’s when we hear lots of restaurant stories. You can tell a lot about a person by how they act in a restaurant. So, aside from the obvious points about good conversation and physical attraction, here are some other things to look for.

How your date treats the wait staff

Was she kind and considerate? Was he too kind (like not wanting to “make a fuss” if the food’s not right)? Was she just plain rude? However your date treats the wait staff, chances are he treats others that way, too. This can be a good sign—or a warning sign.

How your date feels about sharing

Some people are very territorial when it comes to their food, and just the thought of someone tasting their order turns them off. This can be more of a personal tick than a bad sign, but it’s something worth noticing. On the other hand, if you both feel comfortable ordering and sharing different dishes, that’s a good indication of your willingness to try new things together. It can also be very romantic.

How your date eats—and drinks

It’s a given that if your date goes too heavy on the alcohol, things probably won’t turn out well. But notice how he eats, too. Admittedly, this makes lots of singles self-conscious on early dates, but that’s a good thing. It shows that they care about making a good impression. Say your date accidentally spills something she’s eating. Does she clean it up quickly and effortlessly? That’s a sign that she can roll with the punches. On the other hand, if he suddenly freaks out and thinks only about his suit stain, that can be a big red flag.

All this noticing can be a little overwhelming. That’s perfectly normal. Above all, it’s important to take deep breaths, and enjoy the experience.

And by the way, we at Elegant Introductions know great restaurants as well as we know sophisticated singles. That’s why, when you meet with us, we’ll even throw in restaurant recommendations if you need them. Just like you, we want that first date to sizzle—and not just the food.

If you’re looking to connect with other sophisticated singles, we’re here to help. To learn more about Elegant Introductions, call Barbara and Nancy today at 305-615-1900 or contact us for more information.

 

 

Handy tips for Jewish singles during Passover

Passover2Passover is right around the corner, and if you’re like us, you’re finalizing your Seder plans—if you haven’t done that already.

It’s a time of joy and gratefulness, as we gather with family and friends to celebrate the Jewish people’s victory over slavery and oppression. But it can also be an emotionally tricky time if you’re single and hoping to find a significant other. You might be slightly dreading the sight of lots of devoted couples at your Seder. Not to mention the questions:

So? Are you seeing anyone?

Or even worse:

Why AREN’T you seeing anyone?

We know. We’ve been there. We hear about this all the time from Jewish singles who use our dating services. So, gathered from our own experiences and expertise, here are some tips for navigating this potential minefield.

1. Start with the most important thing: self-confidence

Repeat this over and over: you are fine the way you are. This is the truth, no matter what others think. When you believe this, you can take those nosy questions with a grain of salt (or in Passover terms, a shmear of charoset.) Ironically, this is vital in your quest for a soulmate. We ask all our Jewish singles what they’re looking for in a partner. Self-confidence tops almost every list. If you come off as insecure, needy, or desperate, your chances of getting beyond that first date go WAY down.

2. Be a little nosy yourself

That said, there are some clever ways to continue looking for that special someone during Passover. If you’re going to a Seder, it doesn’t hurt to ask ahead of time if other singles are going to be there. You could even ask for an introduction if you’re feeling bold. If you’re hosting a Seder, think about some Jewish single you’re attracted to, and invite him or her to your Seder. You’re not asking for a date here, so the pressure’s off. You’re showing your concern and your big Jewish heart. You don’t want this very attractive Jewish single person to be alone on Passover! Even if they decline, you’ll win major empathy points that can make this desirable person take notice.

3. Find Passover events in your community and go!

Passover3We all know that Passover is much more than family Seders. There are community Seders, synagogue Seders, pre-Passover classes, you name it. Whether you’re in Miami or Boston, there’s so much going on! Find something that interests you, and reserve your spot. (Seriously, you should do this now, as many Passover events sell out quickly.) Chances are, there will be singles for you to meet. You just have to be open to that possibility. We’ve been involved in the Jewish community for many years, and we’ve lost count of couples who first met at Jewish programs and events. Think about it. You already have one important thing in common: Jewish community involvement!

We hope these tips help. Just remember: our people once wandered the desert for 40 years. They made the best of their situation, transforming a desolate wilderness and turning it into a community. They always searched for something better, and they never gave up. If they can do it, so can you!

Chag Sameach!

If you’re looking for that special Jewish soulmate, we’re here to help.   To learn more about Elegant Introductions, call Barbara and Nancy today at 305-615-1900 or contact us for more information.